Not Good Enough

The idea of “not being good enough” is common in people from a variety of backgrounds, but particularly those in the South Asian community. There are often multiple contributing factors that can lead to such thoughts. Feelings of inadequacy can result from a culmination of childhood experiences, emotional, physical, or sexual trauma, friends, culture, family systems, and social expectations. 

We live in a world where getting a “like” on Facebook may give you a fleeting boost of positive emotion, and where showing up late to catch your Uber may result in you being given a lower rating. It seems we are constantly being rated and compared to others. In addition, in many South Asian cultures, self-worth is often measured by how one fulfills the expectations of others. This constant comparison of oneself with others, combined with a need for perfection, can lead to deep feelings of inadequacy. 

Additionally, perfectionism is a trait that is passed on between generations in many South Asian cultures. While having high aspirations can certainly be a beneficial trait and motivate an individual to achieve their goals, the need to be the perfect parent, son, daughter, spouse, friend, can also lead to a deep sense of insecurity and a lack of fulfillment. 

Sometimes this thought of “not good enough” can become deeply rooted within us, and we may not even be aware of it on a conscious level. Over time, such thoughts may also contribute to symptoms of anxiety and depression, including persistent feelings of despair, sadness, irritability, mood swings, or feelings of hopelessness. Increasing awareness of such thoughts, as well as strengthening self-compassion, can be the first steps in challenging them and changing them over time into more positive ways of thinking. Mindfulness and psychotherapy can be extremely helpful for increasing awareness of such thoughts and gaining control over our inner critic, especially when combined with an antidepressant medication, which can help to address symptoms associated with anxiety and depression.